Do you have a shy child who clings to you in new social settings, looking at the ground and unwilling to speak with people?
Occasional shyness can be an appropriate response that children use to cope with unfamiliar situations. However, it’s also normal for parents to worry that their children may be extremely shy.
The good news is that we can help our children learn how to manage their social anxiety and connect with others. Here are seven tips for you to give your child a little extra support in raising their self-confidence and self-assurance so that they can overcome their shyness.
1. Be Responsive To Your Children and Their Needs
From the time our babies are born, they learn about their self-worth when we respond quickly and consistently to them. According to Dr Sears, when babies cry as a cue that they need to be comforted, they learn that, “Someone listens to me. Therefore, I am worthwhile.”
2. Validate Your Children’s Feelings
If a child is made to feel like her feelings are not worthwhile, she equates it to her being not worthwhile. If your child finds that her feelings are constantly dismissed, she quickly learns to suppress them and hide them from you.
Sometimes it can be tough to respond positively to our child’s cries. But they will thrive from our prompt responses. Photo by Helena Lopes
So when your child confides in you about how she’s feeling, take the opportunity to validate them so that she can boost her self-worth.
For instance, in our conversation with parenting expert Dr Laura Markham, she recommended talking and listening respectfully to your kids . If your child reveals that he feels anxious about going back to school, you could say, “It’s natural to feel that way.” Then you can reassure him by adding, “And you’re going to be okay. I’m going to help take care of you.”
3. Give Your Children Responsibilities
One of the main ways children develop self-confidence is through contributing to the household. By giving them age-appropriate chores, it helps them feel more valuable, useful and needed. The feeling of being needed by your family is priceless.
Helping with everyday tasks like washing dishes can be fun and meaningful for young children. Photo by LaterJay Photography .
Some simple tasks you can try assigning young kids include making breakfast, getting drinks and snacks and packing their school bags.
4. Role-model Self-Confidence and Self-Assurance
Modelling confident behaviour with others, such as being friendly towards strangers and having a relaxed attitude about social interactions, helps your child watch and learn from you.
This can be hard if you identify with low self-esteem and self-confidence that stemmed from your childhood. If you find it difficult to overcome your low self-confidence, seek help from a professional. Both you and your children will benefit.
Managing your anxiety helps reduce your children’s stress. You’ll also show them how they can deal with their social anxieties the same way you do.
5. Don’t Label Your Child As ‘Shy’
In front of others, try not to label your child or his behaviour as shy. Instead, explain that your child takes time to warm up to others.
Support your child’s confidence by not setting him up for uncomfortable social situations without any warning. Do your child a favour by planning small groups. You can also role-play or brief them in advance so that they know what to expect. Always empathise and avoid shaming them for being cautious around strangers. The more you shame, the more anxious they get.
If other people say that your child is ‘shy’, you can gently correct them in front of your child. You could explain, “Annie takes a while to warm up. She’ll join the rest when she feels more comfortable.” This assures your child that you understand how she feels and that she can take time to prepare herself.
6. Allow Your Children to Make Choices
Another way to raise your child’s self-confidence is to give them the autonomy to make small, age-appropriate decisions. When you give them choices, your child learns how to take responsibility for their actions, building their self-esteem.
Allowing your child to make decisions can lead to exciting family adventures while letting them build their self-confidence. Photo by Jeshoots.com.
Some decisions you can let them make include choosing their outfits, deciding what time they’d like to complete their homework or picking among a list of family activities that you have shortlisted.
7. Celebrate Effort and Small Victories
Let your children know that you’re proud of their efforts, regardless of the outcome. Teach them that it takes hard work to learn new skills and that results aren’t always immediate. For instance, after setting the dinner table together, take a step back to admire their work and say, “Wow, you put out five sets of cups and plates for everyone in the family.”
When your children make progress or overcome a fear, celebrate these small victories with them. Plan something special like having a picnic or going to the park. Don’t forget to celebrate your own achievements too, so that your children learn that it’s always worthwhile giving ourselves credit when we overcome obstacles.
Helping Our Children Feel Accepted
When children feel confident and secure, they're more likely to succeed in school and achieve personal goals. Photo by Myles Tan.
The small interactions we have with our children, such as not dismissing their feelings, go a long way in influencing their sense of self. When our kids feel accepted as they are—with oddities and all—they can grow more self-confident and self-assured. This helps mould them into resilient children who can stay calmer in difficult situations and connect meaningfully with others.
There are many non-conventional ways to bolster our child’s self-confidence. It takes time for children to open up and blossom, but not all of them are meant to feel or act the same. Regardless, children are beautiful in their own ways. For starters, parents can also inculcate positive values of individuality in a bid to teach them on
To share that it’s okay to be shy. That it’s okay to feel anxious sometimes. And Oddbods takes pride in being different! There are no rights or wrongs — just perspectives. Navigating the parenting journey can be an uphill task, but with a village of parents as a strong pillar of support, the experience sure will be worthwhile!
